Monday, 19 December 2016

Conflict of Interests

In which the authoress is overwhelmed by requests from her fictional (and non-fictional) characters...


Chor Lau Heung: So... I heard, well, read that you're into Li Sai Man these days.

Me: Correct. And Chun Sik Sik. Why?

CLH (snuffing his snuff bottle): Don't you know he's a murderer? Like, he actually killed his girlfriend!

Li Sai Man: What, you're jealous? At least the deleted scene fics of mine and Sik Sik got hundreds of reads!

CLH: You're still a murderer!

Me (keep reading a journal article): The director made him do that. Blame Johnnie To.

CLH: Li Sai Man is still a murderer. Shooting his own brothers, hellooo? Why not concentrating on me and Siu Ching? True love, I always protect her and all that... and you haven't written about us for yonks!

Me: Yet you hold the record of the highest count of fanfics I've produced so far...and last time I checked, I wrote about you in late October.

CLH: Yeah, but that was two months ago, and Siu Ching and I have things to tell. Like...

(Chor tai-gor smiled as a wet-haired Siu Ching, just emerging from her bath, approached him)

CLH (caressing Siu Ching): …like that lake scene between me and Siu Ching you wanted to write months ago?

Me: I'll do that once I've done the Runaway Dragon series. Only one more chapter to go.

LSM (snogging the blushing, pregnant Sik Sik): Two chapters. You need to write the deleted scene after my wife was rescued...

Me (to LSM): Oy! Get a room, you two!

LSM (in between kissing SS): But you will write the deleted scene despite the Trigger Warning? 

Me (sighing): Of course I will. Now can I return to my paper?

CLH: Then after the two Runaway chapters, you'll write about me and Siu Ching?

Me: While trying to get my academic paper published, yes.

Szeto Man-Mo: Hey, what about writing about me and Chor-yin? Like, we're the real husband and wife here amongst you lot, but you only wrote one full fanfic and like a quarter of a combined fanfiction for us!

Lam Chor-yin: Yeah, true! So unfair!

Me: I'm putting you two down for a music video. Sometimes in January.

LCY: What?! That's like more than seven months after our last MV!

Tung Pang-fei (puffing a cigarette cos he's so annoying!): So? At least you have your MVs! Me and Barbara have been waiting for more than a month for our noir, jazzy MV, but noooo... You don't seem to know our selling point as a 1930s series, Girl!

Ho Doh-wan: And what about the final impressions of United We Stand and screen caps of my dresses? Oh, and GIFs of me and Fei?

A Ying: and the GIF of me pecking Fei's cheek just to annoy my sister?!

DW: Hey!

Me (gritting my teeth): I know. But I haven't got time. They're coming! The noir MV is coming! The dress post is coming. Cheek-pecking is coming!

LSM: What about the academic post about ancient Chinese language during the Tang Dynasty and its association with modern Cantonese? I want that out too cos it's during my time, and I'm supposed to be interested in scholarly works too!

Me: ...when I have time to read the associated papers to that subject…

Yeung Hong: What about writing a what-if where Wong Yung falls in love with me? (Ducks to avoid WY's knife) And of course I couldn't care less cos who wants a rascal like her?! (Runs out of the room chased by WY)

Me: …

TPF: Hey, while you're at it with the deleted scene, what about writing one deleted scene for me and Doh-wan? Then her dad came in, and we had a fight, and I of course emerge as the winner...

Me (throwing my pen at TPF): Shut up!

(TPF ducks, pen hits the 1984 Michael)

1984 Michael: Hey, watch it! I spent hours curling my bangs! (Ducks as 1984 Barbara threw him some peanuts)

Me (groan): It's the worst hairstyle I've ever seen, do you know that?!

1984 Michael: You still love me anyway. Hey, what about writing a one-off about me and Barbara staying overnight at the studio during the Fearless Duo shooting? No deleted scenes, just some funny scenes where she snored loud and I -

(Michael ducks again to avoid more peanuts from Barbara. Runs out of the room chased by Barbara)

CLH: So, about the new CLH fanfiction, Tim Yi was asking when you're going to sit down and write about her...

Me: (palm/face, shut the laptop down and leave).

Author's note:

Thanks to Hannah for the Fearless Duo studio story from Michael's interview. 

Believe it or not, these characters are now sitting comfortably inside my head, making themselves at home, ignorant of the fact that I have real world things to do... Like this LOTR fan-art... which shows the authoress surrounded by her demanding LOTR characters... 

Art by The Gwyllion

(anyone up to make this fan-art with MB characters?)

Not that I’m not grateful, but I wish I have 30 hours per day or so…


Ha Nguyen said...

Icha,what a brilliant comical outake on our beloved fanfic charters!! You had me laughing so hard I texted the girls immediately so the can go read. It's sooo adorable! And such a livid way to make light of the daily grind while still finding to dream! We love we love we love!!

Icha said...

hehehehehe! thanks a lot, Ha! Yeah, LSM often pokes me these days for ideas, but of course I can't ignore Chor tai-gor either. I think they have developed a type of rivalry here, hehehe, funny to see!

thank you for making time to drop a comment. Once you're into fan fiction or MV making, you'll find out that these characters can be very chatty in your head...

Ha Nguyen said...


YH and WY would make a crazy fanfic I totally agree. But they are so different, I wonder how it can ever be written to work? Anyone willing to give it a try? I might someday in February when I have more time hahahaha. Its a crazy thought though. I have thought of OYK and WY together but a more handsome version of OYK, not the 83' version of OYK hahahaha. Maybe the 2008 version with HuGe and Arial Lin.

OMG a wet haired Siu Ching being caressed by CLH? HOT HOT HOT!

SMM and LCY ( Fearless Duo ) seriously need some more fanfic too, especially a steamy romantic deleted scene hahahaha. I dont think many of us touched on that one yet because most also look at CLH and SC or LSM and CSS.

ALL OF IT IS SOOO DREAMY! I will definitely burn quite a few meals with all these fantasies clouding my head LOL.

You are amazing Icha! XOXOXO

Icha said...

Ooohhh!! I love the 2008 Ouyang Ke, I think he's hot! Much hotter than Hu Ge, hehehe... (If you read my review of LOCH 2008, you'll know that I despised the 2008 YK and MNC, despite me loving Yuan Hong and Liu Shishi...).

I salute you for the artwork of the wuxia lady combing her hair, SO like Siu Ching! I think CLH wins this time... it might be him and SC for the next instalment (Tung Pang-fei is glaring at me now).

Totally agree that FD needs another fanfic. Plus, if we want some real "I love you" words without the boy killing the girl, Szeto Man Mo did give that to Lam Chor-yin...

More later, gotta sleep now. I'm still waiting for your original artwork, mind you! ;-)